Theme:Overvaluing group membership/ causes one to indulge in dangerous activities which results in/ drastic personal consequences
Premise: In a post apocalyptic Orange County gangs constantly battle with the local totalitarian government. A young member of the Twisted Demons, Rembrandt, desires to rise in the ranks of his gang by proving his worth by becoming the most prolific graffiti writer representing the gang. As he ventures into more and more dangerous locations to advance his gang's prominence and territory by painting their moniker he continuously finds that he has been beaten by another unaffiliated tagger who calls himself “Ghost2”. One night when he ventures out alone he is confronted by Ghost2 who tells him he will never be a great artist if he continues to be part of such a violent and nefarious gang. Ghost2 then proceeds to rob him of his valuables and spray paint and also punches him in the jaw in a purely sadistic manner. An an injured Rembrandt then decides that the only way to prove to his gang and his mysterious rival that he is a great graffiti artist is to write the name of the gang on the most heavily guarded landmark in the area, Snow White's Castle at Disneyland, which has been converted into the central hub of the evil totalitarian government. Rembrandt creates what he believes to be a fool proof plan and is almost successful when he is discovered and arrested and taken off to be tortured and imprisoned for the rest of his life. As he is being dragged away he looks back and sees the tag of his hated rival Ghost2 on the tower of the castle, as if it appeared out of thin air.
Program: The rules that apply to the characters in this story all come from Dystopian classics such as Mad Max, The Warriors, and Escape From New York. The extremely strict laws of the totalitarian government and militaristic police officers are in full force in addition to the aggressive and violent rules and consequences of gang affiliation. The rules of graffiti writers and the codes of honor they hold are also at work. Writers often fight and claim territories and have their own games when solving disputes.
Treatment: Rembrandt and his tagging crew barely escape from police officers as they run on the desolate streets back to the heart of their gang's turf. He is respected by his immediate crew and loves this fact. He is disappointed by the way the rest of the gang treats him however. As they make it back to the compound house that the gang resides in Rembrandt passes by a room where he hears elder members talking about a position opening up in the higher ranks of the gang. He peers through the key hole and listens to the entire conversation. Rembrandt goes out the next night determined to make a name for himself in the gang by tagging the most dangerous locations around the city. He first starts with the large A in the parking lot of the derelict Angel Stadium. The A has fallen and the lower regions are coated in graffiti while the top is completely clean. Rembrandt encounters writers from other gangs and a scuffle ensues eventually he wins and makes it to the top in order to claim the spot for his gang. He notices something strange. This spot has already been claimed by a sinister looking tag which reads “Ghost2”. He continues to tag various landmarks around Orange County and finds that has been beaten each time. The next day he approaches an older member of his gang, a retired writer who has now taken over administrative duties, and asks about the mysterious tag. The older member laughs at him and tells him to “stop believing in fairy tales”. A frightening dream wakes Rembrandt the next night and he decides to go out into the night to his favorite hidden practicing spot, an isolated shack on a mountain in a deserted part of the East Hills area of Anaheim. As he is practicing, Ghost2 appears and tells him the necessary qualities one must have to succeed. He tells him the importance of being an individual and promotes pacifism over violence. He then robs Rembrandt for his paint and valuables and then proceeds to break his jaw with a sadistic sucker punch. As Rembrandt looks up from the ground with a blood filled mouth Ghost2 has disappeared and nothing remains. A scorned Rembrandt tries to tell the older members of his gang about the assault that took place. The older members again laugh at him for making up stories and tell him to stop wasting time and continue with his job of claiming gang turf through graffiti. Rembrandt in his rage devises a plan to prove to everyone that he is the most prolific writer amongst the gangs. He decides to hit the central compound of the totalitarian government that the gangs continuously must battle with. The government makes its homebase in a dark and twisted Snow White's Castle in the center of Disneyland itself. On the night of his heist he breaks into the compound and goes through many elaborate ride scenarios that have been turned into booby trapped areas. He makes it to the top of the castle but is spotted by the officers. He is brutally beaten and dragged down main street as he looks back he sees in large black letters the tag of his mysterious rival Ghost2 as if it appeared out of thin air.
Composites: Rembrandt gently grips the can of vintage Krylon Watermelon as he loses himself in his headphones. A shadowy figure slowly creeps towards him surrounded by a fog. Rembrandt swiftly turns and points his can threateningly at the shadowy figure. The figure idenifies himself as Ghost2 and gives Rembrandt his speech. Ghost2 then quickly glides to Rembrandt and puts him in a headlock. As if he has magical powers he removes all of Rembrandts valuables and paint. Rembrandt, slightly embarrassed, jumps back and yells at Ghost2 who then towers over him and launches his fist into Rembrandts jaw. Rembrandt falls to the floor slowly and in a daze. As he looks up the wind swirls and the figure is gone, leaving no trace.
Monday, April 25, 2011
SCRIPT 2
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4 comments:
There hast to be something more to the graffiti tagging outside of him being "ballsy" in tagging these areas. Something more significant to the gang that would make him seem more reliable and dedicated to the gang. tagging is usually a misdemeanor and is punished with a fine less than $400 and some community service, no jail time. Personally it would be better if these tags meant something, like Rembrandt was expanding the territory of the gang, but he has to do something more than just tagging. This gang seems pretty weak if all they have to do to be promoted to a top member of the gang is by going around tagging places. Needs more depth to it.
The programs you described, that are found in similar movies, really helped set the tone of the script. I remembered in a show I watch that there was tagging that was actually encrypted messages. Also, while reading the treatment, I kept thinking about cave paintings, "prehistoric graffiti." This graffiti was used to record stories. Perhaps to try and give meaning to the tagging, the tagging in this script could be important messages meant to record the history of the gangs, as well as scare and deter other gangs. Or perhaps these are things that make Rembrandt's graffiti different from others and important.
Though tagging is a misdemeanor the best tagger in the gang is usually a highly respected member just because of that talent, so I think that the fact that Rembrandt is trying to use his art to advance himself in the gang is realistic. After all the assumption is that he is at this point just an average member of the gang who participates in the battles mentioned in the first sentence of the premise who is striving to use his talents to gain more respect. In my opinion it is deep enough. In fact, I also find it notably creative to look through this aspect of gang culture instead of the same ole same ole shootings and fights.
I'm a huge fan of dystopian fiction and post-apocalyptic stories, so I love your premise, and I think you did a good job of creating a narrative in that vein that isn't a re-hash of another story. Graffiti and tagging seem like a practice that would become common in an anarchistic world, and evoke the primal notions of tribal cultures of days gone by. My only criticisms are that the character of Ghost2 needs to be fleshed out a little more towards the end, or at least explained somewhat, because I didn't see him as a complete antagonist; he seemed to be rather more of a mythical figure. Also, I think there needs to be more evidence of the rivalry between gangs, as well as what makes the "evil" gang evil. Names and profiles might help with this. Great start though.
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